-
it’s funny when the only way for me to feel like myself again is to burn the person i was when he had me. only until the ashes fly and the air clears can i turn away from everything i thought i had, and i can bring my life to its fullest.
and yet i can’t help myself. i can feel myself curling back into itself when i let it happen, and i think it’s what i want, i think it’s what i need, i think it’s not going to hurt anything; meanwhile, i’m already lighting another match to throw at my own gasoline-soaked feet, and all i really feel is dread, fear, anger, sorrow. god i can feel the cold washing over myself and i just take a breath. and i lie. “i can do this. nothing bothers me.”
i’ve accepted many things, but how do you accept that you’ve made all the wrong decision, all the hurt i’ve caused everyone, not just myself? there’s no way to undo the past, but how do you undo the path you’re on for the present and the future? change is inevitable but why is it the change that brings me to my knees? must’ve done something wrong in a previous life, because that’s how it works.
