January 2012
6 posts
I don’t need a sugar daddy I just need to brush these leeches off.
You are special. You are different. But you’re just not the one for me. I still happen to want a man.
As I mentioned before, I will never find the right one. I will always be three steps wrong and I will always be unaccompanied. I’m not meant to depend, and I’m not meant to take care. I’m meant to be by myself, forever. I take this as my time to be as much myself as I can possibly be in my own time. I could only stay away for so long I guess.
I see no good reason to keep living the way I am. I don’t need or want to continue this sadistic struggle to survive. I just wanted to be happy. Maybe all the selfishness in the world works against us all.
We’re always gonna be alone no matter what you think or do. It maybe that’s just me.
Wasn’t I the victim? Didn’t he treat me the way he did? Why do I feel like shit? Maybe it’s because I’m feeling alright but he’s just taken a dive. Where did I go wrong with my life?
I really need to stop giving in to him. He’s not what I’m looking for. I’m done with being one of many and never the first choice. I need sincerity now. And he doesn’t have it for me.
December 2011
12 posts
How do you battle the thoughts runnin like poison through my veins? I need a cure a treatment an antidote.
In not so easy that a pat on the ass will change the fact that I’ve changed my mind about you. I’m in a bad place and youre here with me but you aren’t making an ounce of difference.
How have I not noticed sooner the way he uses me? The way he humiliates me. Sees right past me. You don’t deserve me either. I will not be yours. You ruined it because you’re not any better than the rest of them you’re the exact same. My eyes see things too I do notice things.
I’m an idiot. Im gullible. I’m stupid. I’m reckless. Im easy. I’m full of self...
Have I been deceiving myself into thinking that I had people who actually cared about me for once? Have I gone insane or changed? Or is it you who thinks I’m used up as your tool your back up plan? I need to know. But I’ll never ask you. I have the sense not to ask you to lie to me because you’ll never tell me the truth. All men lie. Starting with my father and along to all the...
I thought I made a big mistake. I hope I don’t eat my words. But here’s to letting it all out.
I cant keep making the same mistakes. I can’t be living my life like there aren’t any consequences. I need to start doing the things I’m supposed to and start making things— everything— right like they should be.
Avery I almost failed you and I’m so...
Christmas makes me think of family that I don’t have and the friends who are my real family.
Im slipping pretty quickly into one of my moods. I usually have warning. And time between bouts. And what’s bothering me? I need my mind off things. Everything. Where’s should I seek escape this time?
I want to be alone because I feel alone. Is that a lot to ask? I need to be left alone.
I could fly off the handle. I could destroy you. I could tear your heart out of your chest and rip it to shreds like you did me. Oh wait…
i don’t think i’ll find love. i’m surprised. the thought doesn’t bring tears to my eyes. i keep saying i’ll do me, but i don’t know how.
the sand keeps falling to the bottom of the hourglass, and theres no way to catch the grains as i waste my time lazing around and trying to find my purpose. what is my purpose? what am i supposed to do? im meant to do...
Avery
I don’t know how to express what I feel about you. I don’t know how to feel the way i feel about you. i’m still a kid, i’m sorry i didn’t let you be. i have to try, to feel the pain of you. I have to try to bring myself to mourn you. my mind is tired, my body is tired, my soul is dying. i’m so sorry. I wish i could’ve had you in my arms. I wish you...
Dad.
If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am today. Aren’t you proud? I’m stuck in bum-fucked Indiana, fresh out of jail, and losing who I am. Who am I supposed to be? You wouldn’t know. You never knew me. I could excuse it if you’d tried, but you never even tried. Miss you? How do you miss what you never had? Family. I’m still learning...
i think i’m meant to be that girl that boosts guys’ confidence. you know, that girl who doesn’t ever really get the guy except when he’s horny. you may know her as the slut.
it’s not that i ever make a move. it’s not like all i want is dick. it just seems like it’s really easy to convince me that he cares about me and that he actually likes me. because if...
November 2011
3 posts
Checklist for a man
1. Employed.
2. Phone, automobile, and home. *phone-check
3. Turns heads. *check
4. Kids love him. Even if he doesn’t really want any.
5. Trustworthy and honest. *honest-check
6. Like animals.
7. Be passionate about something—anything. *check
8. Have money sense.
9. Can keep up with me. *check
10. Make me laugh. *check plus
11. Hold me like no one else in the...
and maybe it’s time for a good change. and maybe it’s already happening.
all i know is i’ve never been more inspired, more enticed, more enthusiastic.
it’s funny when the only way for me to feel like myself again is to burn the person i was when he had me. only until the ashes fly and the air clears can i turn away from everything i thought i had, and i can bring my life to its fullest.
and yet i can’t help myself. i can feel myself curling back into itself when i let it happen, and i think it’s what i want, i think it’s...
October 2011
1 post
if we all had an ounce of compassion, understanding, or respect, maybe the problems in the world wouldnt exist. humans insist on exceeding the bindings of nature, but balk at the proposal of overcoming the weaknesses of human nature. it is not human nature to care about the wellbeing of others. thats the nature of animals. thats the instinct of every organism in the universe. self preservation.
...
September 2011
3 posts
I’m being barraged… like i’m just any other girl out there willing to put out and desperate to be with another boy. i want a man. and i’m not just like all of them.
Wait, what happened?
Where’s my dad? Where’s my family? Where’s my education? What happened to my innocence? When did I get hateful again? Why do I feel so alone? Where’s the house? Why can’t I breathe? Wasn’t I running? Didn’t I care?
I let my years float over me, I let my years slip through my fingers, and I let my years drift to sea. I want them back....
depression
you think, people who claim depression, they’re weak. they’re sad, they’re stupid, they’re faking. you think, i will not be depressed, i will not think that way. but one day, you realize that you’ve experienced depression.
i’ve come to understand that people thrive under the warmth and sincerity in some people’s hearts, and shrivel under the ice and use...
August 2011
1 post
It's true what they say
you’re the only one who will look out for you. Everyone else is doing the same for themselves.
Trust isn’t easy to come by, and if by chance it’s acquired, it’s more easily lost than kept. But it’s necessary.
I don’t’ think I’ll be trusting anyone for a while. I feel the need for a higher understanding, and I can’t imagine it. I’m...
June 2011
4 posts
It's Time
i’ve finally realized that the life i lived with him was one of lies, lust, naivete. i know now, there are men out there. there are good people who will fight for me, they will TRY for me. they will honestly love me.
these people, they’ll do what you never wanted to. defend me, protect me, hold me, take care of me. they’ll do it because they love me, because they want to and...
drowning
In smoke
It feels like
my tether to reality and sanity are cut. I’m drifting, alone. Even in a room full of people, it’s just me.
I’ll never be appreciated as much as I try. I’ll never know what it’s like to be wanted. I just feel like a throw away.
How did I let myself get to this point again? Didn’t I make a promise to myself? A disappointment even to myself.
And yet I still...
sweet soco
And suddenly everythings a little better than a few hours ago. Feelings are easilt managed; it doesn’t HURT. And everything just gets so much easier. I swear, why haven’t I done this earlier? My heart feels like its in one solid piece for the first time in years. Thank god for liquid solace.
May 2011
9 posts
It hurts
It’s not easy being alone.
It's Over.
I couldn’t save you. I could’ve gotten you out of here. I could have taken care of you. But I don’t have to anymore.
I’m happy. I’m excited. I’m laughing. I’m me again.
My friends have my back. My family is watching over me. I have people who don’t hurt me on purpose, physically or emotionally. I have people who ride or die for me.
I have a new...
What's Your Problem, HUH?!
It’s been forever since I’ve wanted to see you, and I just want you too know I miss the way things used to be. You were my friend, and a good one. But now? I just want to ream you out for all the stupid shit you pull every time you walk in my house.
I want to emphasize this: MY house. I live here. I pay the rent and bills. It’s MY place. Don’t hurt my animals or my...
White Whine →
hilarious.
I'm not here for you.
After 2 years of no sight or sound from my former best friend, I got a text about a month ago. He said, “I miss you, and I was wondering if you could help me out.”
What a load of bullshit. Don’t “I miss you” me when you’re messing with a 15 yr old fat girl and your pathetic 22 yr old ass can’t get a job and quit relying on HER!
I have no sympathy for a...
The Green Rush →
Learn about the lives of medical marijuana growers. Open your eyes.
“I stopped at a red light, feeling foolish as always for stopping at an...”
– David Wong
I strongly suggest you read his book, John Dies at the End.
Get ahold of yourself.
What are you doing? All this internet shit is making you think it’s okay to throw yourself at everything that has a profile, picture, and cute little quote. Please, regain some control. Facebook is not your sexual outlet. Or.. it shouldn’t be.
I’m not bashing internet relationships, but I kinda am. You can’t be in love with text on a screen or a dozen pictures and videos....
The Worst Thing to Realize
is that your relationship of more than a year is a shallow, unhealthy trap.
Fighting over everything, from normal things to heavy things. Seeing everything differently. Hating each other for the things we both do or say to each other. Looking for an outlet.
Is “love” even worth torture?